Very sad days

Some days I get through with few tears and sad moments, work is a welcome distraction, but what I have realised is that while it is not a constant pain any longer, it is like you are being rolled in barbwire there are nanoseconds of calm between each barb then there is excruciating pain when you realise that they have gone and all you have left are the memories and the ashes.

I carry her box around the house with me, from room to room, lounge if we are all in there, bedroom at night and if I forget about her, I then chastise myself.

Her loss is unacceptable to me and while I realise that this is life, I can still be un-accepting of it, just like Sisyphus, he would roll his rock up the hill and it would roll back down which was unacceptable, but he still shook his fists at the gods.

We took Evie and Jedi to the beach yesterday, they loved it, but Sassy would have loved it too, her favorite place was the beach, we would go down every morning when we lived in northern NSW we would walk along the beach, she would run in to the surf to catch sticks or tennis balls, take in so much saltwater she would be sick but she loved it and I love watching her absolute exhilaration at being there.

We don’t get to witness others experiencing shear exhilaration everyday and that energy was infectious and taught me to love every moment of every day that I am with people I love and care for.

Many people don’t allow themselves to be the truly happy souls we desire to be, they hold back, dogs are just happy souls, they don’t worry about what others will think or say, what we wear or how much we earn, they love us for who we really are in those moments where we look deep into their eyes and share a secret. They are the true examples of pure souls.